QUICKIE UPDATES

Short Stories

Motivation

Life Lessons

I Didn't say "I Love You"


It was a Dark starless night. The clouds had gathered themselves away quickly and the sky was a sheet of black satin. It was barely 10PM, yet everyone had shut their doors, locking themselves away in the illusory security that their big expensive looking houses offered.
She liked the scene better at night. The shrubbery and trees that lined the streets in all their greening glory, the outdoor lamps from the houses, each trying to compete with the other in grandeur and style.
Her father always said rich people were only rich because they displayed rich taste and a sense of belonging.
"Being rich is not a state of how much a pocket carries, it's about the carriage of the man with the pocket," he always said with that his big burly laugh. She missed it. Missed him.
He had been gone for so long, he seemed to have now become only a memory that she had to fight through other memory slots in her head to get to.
He hadn't been a rich man, in all social understanding of the word. But he had made sure they'd had all that was necessary to survive.
"If a man can feed his family and send his children off to acquire education from the best schools he can afford, a man has done a man's job," her mother always said in his defence. She had adored him, doted on him like a loving wife would. The grief of his passing had worn itself on her like a favorite shirt not to be taken off, until it took her without warning to meet him too. Their deaths had been only seven months apart and the memory of it always stung at her heart.

Love was not a thing she was interested in toying with.
It was dangerous.
It had fangs and a mean bite.
Now as she sat there in his car, listening to him tell her of his feelings and his love for her, she felt a quaking in her knees, a knotting in her chest.
Not again!
What was it now, four months? She wasn't stupid. Of course she knew this day would come, when he would decide like they always did, that what he felt for her was a passion that had burned into his heart. And like all the others, when he finally did say he loved her, she'd stay mute and it would be the last time he ever set eyes on her.
But Stan was different from the others and God help her, she knew it.

For the first time, she felt the same way too. She wanted to reach out, to envelope her small hand in his labour hardened palm and tell him she loved him too. Instead she let the silence eat between them and hoped he'd quell it by saying something.
Several minutes passed and the car AC hissed cool air out of the vents, but there was not a word between the two of them.
Then as though he knew it was on him to row the night forward, he placed a tender hand on her thigh and said,
"Look Maria, I understand this might be too much for you to take in right now, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you."
"Yea," was all she managed.
He sighed, let go of her thigh and mechanically placed his hand on the gear stick.
"I love you, I'm not here to play games with you."
Several hours later, with the phone held tightly on the side of her face and tears burning her eyes, she narrated the night's happenings to Nneka.
"So what did you say?" Was all Nneka wanted to find out. She had heard this tale told a hundred times, each time the male character replaced by another as they always trooped to Maria like ants to bread crumbs.
"I didn't say anything babe. I didn't even Say I Love you."
"Wow Mama. But do you love him? You feel anything for him?"
"I think I do," Maria said as she let her emotions consume her finally, shaking vigorously as she cried into the phone.







Help! How can I Stop Masturbating?

It's not very often that you have a conversation with an addict. Not forgetting that each one of us in our own ways are addicted to something or another. Whether that be internet surfing, pornography, nicotine, sex, masturbation, junk food, TV, working out, there is an addiction for everyone as long as you are human.
For the most part you are better off being addicted to things that enhance your life, things that improve you and lead you on the path to becoming the person you want to be.

However, When your addictions take from you rather than add to you then you know you have got yourself hooked on a habit that needs to be done away with.
But its never that easy is it?
No one ever just wakes up and says "There, that's it. This is the last time." Habits die hard.

In fact scientists suggest you cannot completely quell a habit, you have to replace the bad habit with a new one gradually over time.
That is the plight of Jide, who sent me a DM on Instagram some weeks ago seeking my help. He is addicted to Masturbating and does sincerely want to be over with it.
Now in my position, it is difficult to deal with this as with every other addiction as each addiction in itself is different. Addictions relating to the sexual, are even more difficult to deal with as these are addictions that involve the part of us that evokes heightened levels of pleasure.
Of course you cannot just say "Stop doing it," as it is never that easy to just stop doing it.

A lot of people, especially men starting early on in their teens become addicted to Masturbation and it is true that most men have at some point in their lives pleasured themselves.
For a lot of people addicted to Masturbation, it does quickly transition to yet another addiction to pornography. So not only is the person addicted to masturbating, they now have to deal with a whole new addiction to pornography.
photo: xxxchurch.com

I am looking for the best way to help Jide and I know there are a lot of you who have dealt with this before and can help him find a way out of his plight.
I am counting on you, especially my male readers who have successfully kicked the habit, please leave suggestions in comments below as to how anyone dealing with masturbation can help themselves curb or totally shed this habit off.
You can post your comments anonymously as you desire as I am sure quite a number of people like to maintain a discrete profile.
Constructive suggestions would go a long way, references, books, ideas, thoughts and all that can help are welcome.
I look forward to reading from you guys! Thank you all forward.

PERFORMING and FREE SHOWS. Is it really a Platform for You?

If you are a creative person doing creative work for a living, a deeper part of you always wants to be better, wants to create better, wants to give more. Unfortunately, the world we live in is filled with people who request your services and do not want to pay for what its worth.


They'd even go as far as ask you to deliver your work in a substandard way that makes it cheaper for them, or even at no cost at all. Free.
As performers, we are constantly face with this dilemma.
People spend so much money creating Music shows but do not want to spend money on the artistes delivering the music. 
And if you let them, this would go on and on and on.
So what do you do about this if you are an up and coming artiste seeking the chance and opportunity to showcase yourself to the world?
Do you turn down the shows because they are free or do you look for other ways to make the situation work for you?
As an artiste, you must begin to find ways to create value for yourself especially when others do not value you.

When someone says " Come perform. It is a free shoe, but it is a platform for you." Is this of any value for you as an artiste?
Ultimately you are the one who is going to have to decide that.
A platform.
How do we determine how much of a platform this really is?
What they never tell you is the fact that it is still up to you to make a platform of the so called platform that is being presented because its never really a platform until the artiste makes it so.

How do you do that?
You are going to have to look at what they have and compare that side by side with what you need. If what they have is able to answer to what you need and you can get them to commit to your plans, then yes, it is a workable platform for you.

So for instance, a club invites you to perform and entertain their guests at a certain event. They tell you to come because 'it is a good platform for you and you need the publicity.'
What do you do?
It is important that you leave people to their folly.
Yes you need the publicity no doubt but performing at their event isn't all the publicity you need to become successful.
How is this a platform for you except the fact that they say it is and then rub it in your face how you need the publicity?

I want you to be careful to see it at face value when people try to make it seem like you are the only one in need, when in fact they really need you too.
They need you.
Never forget that. Good luck to you if you have worked your way to the point in your career where people are asking you to come perform at shows. It means you are doing something right, it means you have value, it means they need you.
So do not play into their game too easily. The easier and cheaper they get you, the less they value you.
Make the platform become a platform indeed by aligning your needs to what they have. A club. A space.
You are an artiste.
Do you need to host your own private event with your fans! What day of what month can they give you the club to Do as you please? Maybe your own gig where you charge for tickets, sell your CDs, make some money for yourself.

Remember it is only a platform if what they have plays into what you need and they are able to give that to you.
If they can't, then there's no platform, they just want to use you. And while people using you is okay when you are just starting out, you are going to have to decide how long you , to be used for and when its time to grow up and demand value for yourself and your art.






16 Simple Life Lessons on Taking Action

As is the case every time a year winds to an end, everyone is up and about with their goals and plans and diaries and calendars and note pads, sometimes hurdled in groups of threes and fours discussing plans for the new year.
Quite Frankly, I get the point of this and have nothing against new year's resolutions and goals, I am just more of an all year round planning sort of girl so that so called 'Big Plan' for the new year doesn't work so well with me. I probably already sketched a whole Big plan end of November and that's what is running with me into the Year.
But of course there is always that side of everyone that breathes a sigh of relieve to a fresh start. It's as though an unseen angel has wiped the slate clean and given us another chance at life. So we grab it! Excited! 
It's okay to begin the year on that note though, it gets you fired up and pumped and ready to go.

Only of course as the year progresses into weeks and weeks into months, we begin to lapse back into old patterns and behaviors.
For every new 'I will do this..' that you set yourself up for, of course there is a 'I will not do this...' that goes along with that.
And since we are talking about Doing, (for without doing there are no achieved goals), Here are 16 Things I have Learned through the past Year on Doing.

It is Not what you say You do that tells us who you are, It is what you do that Does
I have to admit, even I myself am sometimes caught up in the joy that talking and talking about my goals and dreams affords. It is a fleeting joy at best and can only be surpassed when we actually go ahead and take real action. It is important that you Say what you are going to do, but we must remember to actually Do.

What's Stopping you from Starting is Starting
Now, when it comes to actually Doing, Starting is where it stops for A lot of us. And if you have stalled on starting before, starting becomes even harder the longer time you spending not starting. The truth is the resistance we face which makes it seemingly difficult or frightening to start on anything at all, fades away if we would just stay at it for at least 11 Minutes! That's right. 11 Minutes of concentrated effort is all you need to get your action Face on!

What's stopping you From Finishing is Purpose
A lot of Times we get very excited by new projects or goals or plans that we have come up with, we are able to push ourselves past the Starting point, but as the days go by and the initial excitement has waned, we begin to drag ourselves through the plan. This is the point where most of us Fail, flat on our faces. If you can constantly make yourself remember your 'WHY', your purpose for doing whatever this is, you would be able to find the needed momentum to get through with it. This is why it is very important that you choose to do things that you are really passionate about and have a genuine purpose towards. You have got to love it!
What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.     Margaret Thatcher
Your Environment says more about you than you might be able to say for yourself
The environment you live in not only describes who you are as a person, it also influences how you start your day and how you end it. It is important, for your work, health, sanity and personal relationships, that you keep your living environment so organized that brings you peace and makes living a breeze. Make your Heaven where you are.

It is not Your Lack of Money that keeps you Poor, it is Your lack of a wealth consciousness that Does
No matter how much money you make, if you think you do not have enough then you don't really have at all. It is important that you begin to be so self aware that nothing added or removed from you can change how you see and feel about yourself. To be conscious of all the abundance and beauty in the world and to know that there is an ever flowing stream of abundance for everyone including you, is to have wealth consciousness.

If you say you are going to do something, You have to do it. It is Called Integrity
We have all failed here at some point in our lives. Sometimes we commit ourselves to doing things only so we do not disappoint people, or perhaps we really believed we were going to do it and then the ever prevailing Resistance creeps up on us and steals our willpower from under us.

When you say you are going to do something, You also have to say Why, and When. Your why is what Ensures that you do it, When is when it gets done
In my personal experience, when you don't repeatedly remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing in the first place, you leave yourself open to fail. Your Why should be a constant reminder and a motivation towards your end goal.
Also if you fail to set a time cap 'I will Write for 1 Hour', 'I will work on the report for 30 Minutes'  'I will Read for 2 Hours'  'I will workout for 1 Hr 30 Mins' 
(Sure you get my drift) You will either under utilize your capacity to do things or you will leave too much wasted time doing them.


It will Get done, even if You have to do it Yourself
If you have done all you can to get something done and it is looking like you are going to have to do it Yourself, No problem, DO IT YOURSELF! 
You already can do it anyways if you have a thought like that, and even better, you'd learn a whole lot in the process.

Do it Yourself, First
One day, you'd find that You can infact do a lot yourself and do not have to sit 
around waiting for someone and anyone to do it for you. Have a big project you want to launch and can't seem to find someone to partner with? Do it Yourself. Map out thoughts and side actions in your mind, write it all out on Paper. Have a complete plan and action even before anyone else comes in the picture. Be so confident that you can do it Yourself till you Do it Yourself.

It is not What you don't Have that prevents you from doing what you have to do, It is what you have but you are not Using
Because we are only Human, it is easy for us to look at and observe whats not working before without seeing what works. To observe what's not available, staying completely blinded to what is in fact under our noses. This is because we have a predetermined idea in our minds of how things must work out, how things should go. Unfortunately Life isn't that straight cut. A lot of times, the problems we face present their solutions in the very things we already have.
Unfortunately, we are so focused on the problem, confusing ourselves, complicating it some more, developing excuses that we fail to see and utilize the resources we have at our disposal. Hence not doing anything at all.


Use What you Have
Even i myself became sick and tired of complaining about what I didn't have. At a point in my life I had to do a comprehensive look at my life and what I did have and I didn't even have to search that deep to see resources in everything that was already available to me. Chances are if you can dream of doing something, You already possess whatever is needed to make the first step. You have to begin where you are, with what you have. You want to be a Photographer but think you cam't because you do not have a DSLR yet? Well maybe it's time for some practice with your Phone's camera.
You want a Job as a writer and can't find one? Write! In a free blog, on Twitter, on Instagram.
You want to lose weight and cannot afford a gym? Well, get up and run!
until you begin to use what is available to you to pursue the goals and dreams you have you will not get any closer to achieving them.

Oh Come on, You know you can Make yourself Go on if you really Wanted to.
Stop giving yourself excuses. Stop. It does nothing for you except hold you down and stifle your efforts. Before you quit anything, ensure you absolutely have to quit and then be brave enough to sit with the consequences.

You have to Really want it
Sometimes, we say we want something, but in truth we do not really want it as bad as we say we do. What would you do if you really wanted something? There would be no excuses, and no stopping until you have it. This is how you have got to begin to live your life.

What are you Doing? No, You, ask yourself
Write down your answer. It is important that you actually write. With a pen and pad. Look at what you have written. Write again. Have a real conversation with yourself. 

Pray
It is said that Prayer is how things move from the spiritual realm into the Physical. It is you taking advantage of the prophetic creative power of your word. The day you stop praying like you are talking to some deity with big arms and a long white beard, and instead begin to speak with faith and conviction of an inner partner agreeing with you, is when you really start to Pray.

Be Grateful always
Regardless of what you are going on, You have something someone else doesn't. This is enough to be thankful for everyday, just in case you forget to be thankful for Life.
Live Life with a personal mission to be Grateful, for everything and nothing at all.

Have an incredible Year!

Achieve Your Goals this Year

As the new year dawns on us again, everyone is busy with goals, planning, tasks, plans and making new resolutions. I have found from personal experience that the reason we do not fully accomplish what we set out to do is we do not Decide truly what we want. And even when we do decide, we do not follow through on our plans and one major killer of goals is Starting. First by Deciding.


Decide what you are going to do. Decide what you want to achieve. 
A lot of times we do not have yet all that we need to accomplish the goals we set but think about it,  if everyone waited till they had all they needed,  nobody would do anything.  Faith is knowing that something that isn't yet apparent exists. Faith is believing in the unseen. The minute that you decide to do a thing it is completed already,  though not in the physical reality of things,  but if you can complete it in your imagination then the only thing stopping you from completing it physically is you. 
Pick a goal,  something that pulls you closer to your major goals in life. Think about all of the possible scenarios that can occur for your goals to be achieved,  all the possible things that could happen,  that should be done to achieve this goal. 
9 times out of 10 if not all the time,  there is always that one thing that can be done immediately and with least effort.  That is exactly where you should begin. What happens is with a first step taken,  you reinforce in yourself the faith that your goal can be achieved and this faith in turn charges your motivation to achieve even more. 
You are more likely to continue when you have started than when you have not started at all. And the truth is when you continue, you find that everything begins to fall in place for you. 
The hardest part of achieving anything is starting. To make starting easier however,  you have got to get yourself organized.  
The more disorganized you are,  the harder it gets to do much at all. 
Organize yourself,  priorities,  set schedules,  plan,  write out your goals,  set tasks that should be done,  be able to understand everything that should be done and see it working in your minds eye. 
When you can do this successfully,  starting becomes easy. 

A lot of times,  starting involves only a phone call,  a conversation,  an email,  or just the simple task of drafting a plan. 
What is a plan? 
Plan: A set of intended actions, usually mutually related, through which one expects to achieve a goal.

From this dictionary definition of PLAN you notice 4 powerful words - INTENDEDACTION RELATED, GOALS

When something is intended,  it means you have thought about it and you have fixed your mind on it.  It is conscious. It involves deliberate thought. 
Every plan involves Action. Without action,  nothing happens. 
For the plan to be successful,  these INTENDED ACTIONS have to be RELATED to achieve your set GOALS.

You might want to read this over again to fully grasp it. 

There is so much in this Quickie post and I hope to break them down in subsequent posts through the week.
I hope this helps. Let me know in comments below please, what your strategies are for accomplishing even more in the new year.

6 Simple Life Lessons from a 60 Year old Stranger

This always happens to me. I meet somebody for the first time, a question leads to another and an answer opens the pathway for even more questions. We connect on a more than physical level and soon we are having a lengthy mentally intriguing conversation neither of us had bargained for.That was exactly what happened the night I spoke with Madam Doyin.She had just arrived at her house, in front of which I had been doing my regular sky watching meditation, and I turned around to say 'Good evening'.from a simple Greeting to a conversation that lasted well over 30 minutes and of course, one that I would not forget in a hurry.I have tried to put it all in writing as much as I can recollect but in summary, here are Six important Life lessons I took from this beautiful conversation with her:

1. Regarding Marriage to Women: 

Your husband is just another child you have to take care of as a woman. You must see him as yours to pamper,  to care for,  to help. He is not someone to be in a competition with.  When you are with your kids you are not thinking of anything else but making sure everything about them is okay. That is exactly your job with your husband. Food,  you must always remember, is yours to prepare. If you make the mistake of not having food cooked and served,  you give your man the first reason to step out of your home. And wherever he finds what he is looking for, that's where he would begin to go. Imagine what else he could find out there! 

2. Regarding you as a Woman:

You have a lot of responsibilities but you are also blessed with the capacity to achieve on most things you set yourself up to do. It is important that you are doing something for yourself so you do not have to depend on your man so much. Your man likes knowing he can depend on you to take care of yourself and the matters in the house when he is not available. You yourself would be happier knowing you can do and have what you want, when you want, without needing him to be there. It empowers you

3. Regarding Life: 

We create our own Beauty. You have to look around you and see how you can use your creativity to make your life beautiful.  It is not about money. It is about what you are able to do with money.  When you can create Beauty in your world, you'd have even more money to create more beauty. It starts with your environment.  Your home and immediate environment is a direct reflection of your perception of a beautiful  world. A beautiful world within,  a beautiful world without. 


4. Regarding Politics and Women:

"I am 60 years old now and I am just beginning my journey in Politics.  It is important that women are involved so they can help other women have a voice too and reach the top of society. Look at me,  I do not have any positions yet but I ensure that I am attending their meetings and rallies. You have to start from somewhere. You never know what could happen as a result of being present. Sometimes,  being present is all that is needed".


5. Regarding Religion :

"I am a Muslim, and I have the same love towards everybody.  We are not here to condemn each other but to bring each other up.  You might see what someone else is doing but it is never your business to judge them,  God is the ultimate judge and only he can judge. We are just humans, whether Muslim or Christian and our ultimate agenda is to help each other. "


6. Regarding Children:

"The minute a child is born,  he is your total responsibility. You have to be there fully from the age of 1 day to 10 years because these are the formative years of a child. We adults think children are not hearing us when they are toddlers. We think because they cannot talk then they cannot hear us.  Of course they canAnd it is every information their brain receives by hearing sound,  by sight,  by feeling,  that would form and shape them as they grow. I have 3 children and 6 Grandchildren,  I have seen it happen over and over. My own daughters started cooking at 6 years old. If I don't make them do it,  who would do it?  When the house-help is not home,  who would do it for her?

I wanted to share this with you all and I do hope you have taken one or two pointers from here. Please share in comments below Life Lessons you have learned from elderly friends in the past. I enjoy reading your thoughts!
x

Draped in White by ATHENA of @fabstyle_101


White!! The color for Queens. Or so it looks right? 
This entire outfit was draped on my body by ATHENA @fabstyle_101 
She literally creates the most beautiful dresses and outfits without needing to sew anything! I absolutely loved this particular creation, it is probably one of my favorites from everything we have worked on together so far.

All of the accessories here are from @mdp_accessories



I cannot tell you enough how much I love love love my Makeup. My hands must have beeen loving the process of creating this look. 
I also think I should absolutely film a video tutorial for this. Already have some of you on 


Blooming in Yellow by Amarelis


Yellow! Such a brightening color really. I used to never wear anything except black for a long time in my life, well not exactly like my entire wardrobe was filled with black clothes. No. But most of the time, dressing up for me included a black piece. Over the years I have slowly transitioned to brighter colored clothing and most recently, super brights! 
First time I saw this piece in the +ElanRed Fashion Store  I knew I wanted to have it on my body! Its such a beautiful combo by Nigerian Fashion designer AMARELIS. And that cape that comes with it makes it an excellent wear for exquisite events. 

What do you think? You like? Oh I love!





What's your favorite color for clothing? For me lately its been white!

My Makeup Today was on Slay!!!

I am seriously beginning to consider blogging more about Makeup. I mean it is quite easy for me to talk about Makeup and I could go on and on on the topic. Every one is always asking me how I achieved certain looks, so I figure it might do all of us some good if I was sharing this Info with you guys.

Today my makeup made me so happy I couldn't believe how I felt all giddy inside. I think just seeing it last all day was the trick and you know how You feel when you have had a long day, you kick off your shoes, stare yourself in the mirror and 'Oh No'! Your Makeup is still so perfect you hardly want to take it off! LOL
I just thought I'd do a quick post and share some photos here. Do let me know if you would like to see more Makeup posts and indepth makeup tutorials on this blog.

You like?



Get 1960 THE ALBUM

I can confidently Say, this is the Best Music project I have ever created. I sure wouldn't have been able to achieve this without all of the creative and extra talented people who worked with me to Make it all happen. My Producers, TINTIN and GRAY JONES, who are the only two producers on this record, OSA7 who designed the artwork, AHAM IBELEM who create the Photo, TINTIN who mastered the album, ISI who oversaw the entire production and of course my FANS, who consistently cheer me on and help me be better each and everyday.

I am very grateful to have this and I just want to say thank you to everyone who made it happen.

GET IT HERE

I want to hear from you if you have listened to this album. What tracks are your favs?
 
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