When the Show doesn't start, and Jesse Jagz Shows up

12:50PM Mon, October 12, 2015

My Manager calls me up to tell me there is a request to film a TV show. The show producers want me to perform for the cameras in a creative merger with Fashion and Art. So it wasn't a show-show but a show sha.

That is the line that usually precedes-

"Actually, they are not paying."

And just as I am thinking that he says it!

"They are not paying for your performance but they hinted on a small fee for Honorarium.

'Honorarium' - The word used to describe anything given to you in the event that you are not paid your actual performer fees. This can range from N5,000 to N200,000 depending on how you have been sized up.

In my usual 'Let's go kill this shiit' mode, I gear up and begin to prepare for the show.
"When are they filming?" I ask my Manager.
"Friday."
"What time on Friday?"
"About 2PM but they want you on set at 1:30PM," he says.
On Friday we head out to the set, I am geared up and pumped and I am ready to go. It's showtime! Lets go make this TV show happen. There I go, super hyped!
We arrive on set at exactly 1:12PM and all around me is a swarm of human beings like bees, chatterring, mumurring, moving equipment, climbing ladders, Mounting lights, running cables, painting Makeup, rehearsing scenes. The set was a work-in-progress mess. They weren't ready.
This was about to be a Nigerian time phenomenon.
I wasn't surprised. This is Lagos. Nothing starts on time.

When my clock ticked 3:10PM and we still hadn't begun filming, I realized I was in it!
"I am sorry but unfortunately I am gonna have to leave," I say to the young smart lady in charge, petite, scawny and toothpick boned. But she was in charge! Of all these men and workers and people and the entire production crew! I admire her and gawk at her courage and wit and I even inspired by her, but I still want to leave.
I have other things to do and I have to get out of this damn Island before traffic starts. The time is climbing on to 3:30PM as it is.
"I am so sorry," she pleads, her eyes drawing circles in the air all above me and about her as she speaks, that I can hardly catch them to tell if she was sincere or not. She is perturbed, markedly worried.
Damn these useless set people who don't know how to get anything done on time, she seemed to say as her tiny arms flayed about her.

"I am telling you this never happens. I am not this kind of person. We are usually always on time. I assure you we would start soon."
I decide to play Jesus. What would Jesus do? I ask myself. A tiny pitched voice in my head squeaks me into reason. You are not Jesus. You are Eva.
Sigh, but Eva can be extra nice sometimes, I remind myself.
Lets make this show work! For this beautiful girl who is working so hard getting everything organized and ready and for all these people in her team.
I say "Ok, fine. I would have my Manager help me sort what I need taken care of."
She beams.
The Lord is good.
Eva will stay.
I stay.
The time is 3:32PM.
"How much is the honorarium?" I ask my Manager.
"100K."
"Hian. This life. Oya do and collect it abeg. Take the car. I'd take a cab if you are not back in time. 100K for 2 more hours of waiting didn't hurt nobody."
We laugh.
But it really isn't funny. I was already going to do the show money or not, but the waiting bit was beginning to irritate me.
It is 5:05PM now and I am still there watching the set come alive but not quite ready when my Manager calls.
"Have they started?"
"Hmmm No ooooo!" I respond, despondent.
"Ok. Please do not be upset with what I am about to say," he begins and I already can guess what it is.
"These people just called me now and they want Jesse Jagz to shoot before you."
"Ah ahnn! Whish kine life!," I almost yell into the phone cutting him off. "But Jagz is not even here sef,"
"I think he just got there now." My manager says.
"Guy! He is just getting here now and they want him to shoot before me? Me wey don dey here since 1PM nko? They said I should be here at 1:30PM, I was here 1:15PM,"
I am babbling.
I am just babbling.
"Calm down," he says.
"Forget that Jagz is the don and I love him to death and everything," I say, "but this is shit na guy. These people have absolutely no respect for other people. And on top of that, no one here has come to apologize or nothing. It is absolutely irresponsible."
I am almost preaching to the wall now.
"Babe I know, I know but we are already here. Plus it's Jagz."
"Yea," I say, "it's Jagz. I swear if it wasn't Jagz you would have returned that 100K and I would just waka."
"They have not even paid it sef."
"Ehn? They have not paid????!!!!"
My Manager is persuasive.
I breathe out the fumes. I let it go.
Jagz performs my favorite song "Sex and Scotch" and I die. I fall inlove with him all over again. I am almost horny watching him.
"In fact it is even good that Jagz shot his scenes before mine sef," I found myself saying to my Manager 2 hours later after the shoot and we were headed out facing Ajose Adeogun.
I wasn't upset anymore.
I waited from 1:15PM till 6:00PM to finally shoot the show and it was kilt. I loved my performance. The tiny boned madam producer was happy. It was a good day. 1:40PM.

#EvaAlordiahDaily #MyLifeAsItIs

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